To my new friend with my Palm and cell phone:
Thanks so much far holding my cell and Palm for a while, apparently you plan on taking control of my life, because I needed those two things in order to survive. I was wondering if you could do a few favors for me since you have those two items of mine. When my ex calls could you tell her that her services are no longer needed. I have moved on and unless she gets a drunken call from me after midnight I am over her. (Which I can no longer do, since you have my cell phone, so whatever.) Her name is Debby, she is in the Speed Dial under “Phat Booty.” My cousin will probably call next week wanting me to help winterize his boat, why he waits till almost December for this is beyond me, please tell him I do not use his boat and a six pack of warm beer is not enough to get me to stand in the cold for 4 hours while he decides how the cover fits on. When my boss calls for the Thursday reports tell him my clients are happy and I will be a little late on Monday (I have to get a new cell phone.) On my Palm Pilot there is just about everything in the world that matters to me, so I am sure it is not that big of a deal to you. Please do not beat my high score on Tetris, it took me a friggin’ hour to get that. I have a memo unprotected with a few of the passwords that I use for websites. Please help yourself to some Levenger items. (they have some expensive pens that I am sure you would appreciate.) If you hurt yourself breaking into my car go ahead and order some bandaids and peroxide. I do not want you to get an infection. If you get a chance, on my Palm, there is my list of birthdays for all my friends, I will give you money for the cards if you could send them out next year. Thanks. I have “in da club” as the ringer for my phone, (which I am sure you know since I have been calling my cell for 2 days now.) I like that ringer a lot, but if you must change it, go ahead. Oh crap, I almost forgot, I have the chargers for these items, I can get them to you if you like. I figured you have a day or two on both items and they might need to be plugged in. Let me know if there is a good time to meet and I can get these to you. Thanks.
this is in or around Boston