Are You Kidding? Fuck Fruit Loops.
Obviously not. I should be fitted with one of those electric dog collars and put the fence around my kitchen.
It was a new box, and the bag inside the box didn't really want to open, so I tug a little harder, and not only does it rip the thing in half, about a third of the loops end up scattered around the kitchen. Serious? Fine, its ok, I collect what loops I can find, throw them in the trash, and continue the process of fixing myself a bowl of cereal. Next its time to find a bowl, but my roommate is allergic to dishwasher soap (all kinds...windex too...weird) so there are no clean bowls as I haven't been around much this week...I have to wash one, no biggie.
Dishwashing liquid goes on the bowl, bowl goes under the faucet, bowl slips out of hands, bowl breaks into two thousand fucking pieces, this guy jumps back...but his kitchen is 3 feet wide so his back hits the wall and he lands on a nice shard of porcelain. Yeah, now theres blood (and water) everywhere. So I go, clean my foot, bandage it, and, being the stubborn idiot I am, decide that the worst is over and nothing else could go wrong, it's just a bowl of Fruit Loops. A second bowl gets washed, this time successfully.
So I'm in the clear now, on my way to eating some cereal.
He drops the milk. After it's open. Maybe his hands were still a little soapy from washing the bowl, who knows, but there's milk everywhere except in the milk container and my bowl of Fruit Loops. So I have to clean that shit. Defiant and pissed, I proceed to eat a dry bowl of cereal. Hang on. Ever drop a spoon in the garbage disposal and have it get all shredded up, but still useable? That was the only clean spoon, so I figured I'd use it.
But the jagged edge of the spoon has the last laugh and rips the shit out of my lip...so much so that it gets stuck, and this fuckin spoon is hanging from my upper lip, somehow tangled in it. I gently tug, pull and twist, trying to detach the spoon from my face, and it won't budge, so the next choice was to just yank, like a band-aid. Only hurts for a second, right? Wrong, because it still hurts, and it looks like I went down on a stripper at the Golden Banana, because I have a huge red open wound on my lip now.
A gashed foot, 15 minutes of cleanup, the loss of 1/2 a box of fruit loops and the remainder of the milk, one smashed bowl, and a big red thing on my lip that is the focus of everyone's horrified gaze today...yeah, I know what you think it looks like. Fuckin great.
I'm hopeless. But if any of you out there are having a shitty day, just know there's an idiot out there who got worked by a bowl of Fruit Loops last night.
Fuck Fruit Loops.
this is in or around Boston
Posting ID: 48512137