Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
It's sad and I feel ashamed. You see, I'm Indian and when I first came to America many moons ago, I was a simple, naive, trusting kind of guy. Sure, I stank of curry and some other weird smell - us Indians cant figure that one out. but then I got by.
Until I discovered CL...
CL introduced me to the art of bartering, free stuff, books, casual encounters, w4m, m4m and finally, the devil of them all - the rant and raves section. Next thing you know, as time went by I changed...
Gone is the dumbass expression on my face or the deer in the headlights look I used to have when I saw anything out of the ordinary. Instead now after the CL experience, what has happened is :
1. I call people for free stuff but dont show up. I dont even bother to call em up as a courtesy. Ditto for actual purchases. I just dont care if they left work early to make sure they're at home or whatever. I just dont care.
2. I've started using words like fucktard and assclown and the latest, turd burglar.
3. Everytime I see a chick I'm wondering if her pussy farts when she gets it on with her guy or whether she spits or swallows. If she's with a black guy, I'm wondering if her pussy's stretched. Hell, I even start wondering if the black guy she's with is well hung (Fuck!)
4. If I see a fat chick, automatically my whole being fights the urge to shout out the word 'seacow' to the fat chick, and then run away like a cowardly bitch in heat.
5. If I see a single 30 years plus woman shopping, I wonder how many cats she has at home, the kind of books she reads and whether she's shopping for batteries for her rabbit. I also wonder if she's dating a younger guy.
6. I am currently dating an older woman who is so insatiable that I have to take red bull while getting it on with her just to keep up. I insist that the bitch swallow. She insists that I give good lip-service downstairs.
7. After the feedback on CL, I've trimmed and ordered the bitch to trim too - which she has.
8. I fought it but couldn't help it and despite trying to be as hip as possible I've now become (GASP!) a Red Sox fan. Damn, I just bought a 'You've been foulked' T shirt the other day.
9. I might be gay. Note the GASP & the exclaimation mark in the previous line. Why is my shirt so tight today? (mumbles to self - need to work out longer hours at the gym). Fuck, if I see well dressed guys I wonder how much they like to get it in the ass.
10. Sometimes I get into moods and think that Kerry rocks then I remember the his flip flops, and decide that Bush is ok then I remember what he looks like and decide that perhaps, I'll just be apolitical.
11. I've started pining for a g#*& account and have started asking people if they have invites.
12. On the T these days, I've actually becme proactive and push little old asian ladies before they even baord the train. As the little old lady falls in a heap, I smile diabolically and give her that "How do you like me now" look! Then I grab a seat and dont offer pregnant women and old people a seat.
13. I think that all Indians stink and are closet burger eaters, all the asians drive badly, all the whites are sexual perverts, all the blacks call each other nigger and all the arabs are terrorists.
14. I look for jerk off possiblities at work. Under the desk, near the coffee machine (when noone's looking), restroom, shed in the corner and what-have-you.
15. Finally, I've actually spent quality work time and written the above bullshit and subconciously I'm hoping that you dipshits will nominate this for 'best of'.
I hate you CL. You have corrupted me, and then you sold out. Man, I even use deodorant to hide the damn smell. Gone are the non-materialistic, spiritual and broad-minded philiopsophical days of my life. Instead, like a heroin addict I get on to CL every day and let the deviant, perverted and twisted minds guide me on the treacherous journey called life.
this is in or around Boston