1. Cellphone ringtones. All your phones have a vibrate function you idiots, I don't need to be on the phone and have your phone playing "Hit Me Baby One More Time" at full volume at the same time. You don't even answer the fucking thing, either. Unreal.
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2. The secretary giggling on the phone all morning. Your laughter slices through my head at 8:30 in the morning as you and your other 35 year old friends talk about lives you don't have and husbands you will never meet. Personally, I think you're asexual, but who knows, you could have one of those freaky dominatrix fetish sex lives we don't know about. Either way, shut your fucking mouth.
3. The goddamned cat on your Microsoft Office Help Wizard "meowing" everytime you make a mistake. First of all you need to turn down your speakers...to the off position. Nobody needs sound on their computers at work, and if you have to have it, disable that fucking cat! Are you hooked on phonics or something you need a help wizard to let you know you can't have 2 equals signs in an Excel cell?
4. The fire alarm. Is weekly testing really necessary?
5. The building's maintenance man's life story. Hey, I used to do manual labor, I am from a blue collar family, and I tried to be friendly...but when you ramble on and on with your food dribbling out of your mouth everytime it opens...you make it damn hard to not run away when I see you. Its like a 15-minute story about how everyone has more money than you everytime you catch me.
6. People who clear their throats every 8 seconds. Whatever the hell is wrong with you, fix it. That shit is just plain irritating.
7. Whatever stupid shit you did this weekend. I did not ask you what you did, so why the fuck are you telling me?
That's it. Thanks for listening. Rant over.