Originally Posted: 2004-07-29 6:01pm
20 reasons to hate answering phones:
1. I have a script. Sorry, it's what the boss wants. It's not MY fault that the script is, at a minimum, 12 words long with 16 syllables. But regardless of how long it is and how busy and important you are, DON'T interrupt me you jackass, it's rude.
2. Issue #1's annoyance level is doubled when you're a regular caller and you STILL interrupt even though you KNOW what I'm going to say.
3. You aren't cute. No really, you aren't. When I say "May I tell her who's calling?" saying "You May" instead of giving me YOUR NAME, JACKASS makes me want to shoot you.
4. I am a receptionist, not a non-entity. Listen to me. My name is -------. It is not Madeline, it is not Valerie, it is not Sally, it is not Michelle, it is not Maggie.
5. Oh, and I don't care who your wife is, you double jackass, LISTEN TO ME when you call. I'm not my coworker. If you'd LISTEN to me say my name you'd fucking know that.
6. Okay, you want to be Mr. Friendly. Fine. But I have to answer the other 3 calls coming in at the exact same time you have called and I do not have time to talk about how I don't sound like I'm from around here, or how crazy it must be with the convention in town, or how it's tough to get through to --- or how I'm doing today. Shut up.
7. And, ---, you triple jackass, the fact that you always want to chat when you call is triple annoying since you call roughly 30 TIMES A DAY.
8. Telemarketers and cold callers. Don't get me started. This is INFINITELY annoying since my company controls 99 phone numbers...all in numerical order. Which means once a telemarketer dials that first number...they just keep going down the list and for the next 20 minutes I'm subjected to call after call of "This is an important recording from..." and "May I speak to the person in your office in charge of..." and, really, this is the worst, the 'friendly' telemarketer "Hi, Madeline, how are you today?"
9. Why do you dial a number but then start another conversation? When you are calling here BE PREPARED for my mad phone answering speed, jackass. Don't be in the middle of a frikkin conversation.
10. Okay, maybe this is ethnocentric of me, but if you live here, speak the damn language. I would not move to Baden-Baden and not learn Baden-Badenease. So YOU learn to speak English and then you will be able to understand the damn directions.
11. You are calling a recruiter. Someone who you, hopefully, want to impress so that they will work harder for getting you a job. Don't be rude to the receptionist, dumbass. They are just gonna pass that little bit of information right on to the recruiter. Oh, and know their name and if you don't have a frikkin clue how to pronounce it, then don't try, you sound like a fool. Asking in a jovial way MAY make me like you. Asshat.
12. No, I can not read minds nor predict the future. I have no fucking clue when they will be off the phone. Nor do I know when they will be in the office, be done with their meeting, be back from lunch or when they will call you back. Stop asking.
13. "So and So is on the line right now, may I offer you their voice mail?" This is a yes or no question. It does not require thought. Yes. Or. No. Didn't you have a plan when you called? Haven't you experienced voice mail before? Just answer me damn it!!! Yes or no?
14. And double annoyance points if you complain to me that you've already left a message. Then why the hell are you calling back?!? When they aren't busy anymore they'll call you! (And no, I DON'T know when that will be.)
15. Triple annoyance points if you start argueing with me when I won't "put you through" to the client. They are on the phone, working. You are not their only client, fuckstick.
16. Clients, most of you don't suck, but I've got better things to do than sit on the intercom while you "Um...right...John Doe...um...you know..." You either want to talk to John Doe or you don't, stop being a dumbass.
17. How do I know they're on the phone right now? How do I know they aren't at their desk? Okay, okay, you got me. I'm just lying. They're standing RIGHT THE FUCK here and I'm just LAUGHING MY ASS off at you instead of putting the call through.
18. Speaking of which, you lazy fuck clients who work from 10 or so until 2 or so. I find it morally repulsive that you want me to lie for you so that people think you're working when you aren't. Lazy. Fucks. Do your own lieing, okay?
19. THIS IS NOT A FAX LINE.
20. Cheryl. Cheryl, Cheyrl, Cheryl. *shakes head* I know how hard it is to trust, honey. I know how difficult it is. Maybe he's cheated in the past. Maybe he's a liar. Maybe he's a cold heartless bastard who never calls. Maybe he ignores you when he's home, which isn't much because he's at work all the time. BUT STOP CALLING TWICE EVERY FUCKING HOUR!!!! I'll make you a deal, okay? You stop calling twice every hour and the minute I see your husband fuck somebody in the elevator or hear some breathless Marilyn-sings-Happy-Bday-Mr.Pres-voiced chick call and ask for her super stud, I'll call you and let you know.
this is in or around An office