i want a boyfriend.
i want a boyfriend. i'd wax for him so he'd never have to come on rnr and complain about how licking me is like sweeping a barber's shop floor with his tongue. we could get drunk and sing "the gambler" so loud that my neighbors come on here with the posting title "noisy neighbors: stop singing kenny rogers you stupid asshats".
i want a boyfriend. i'd keep up with my gym habits so that i'd never turn into the dreaded seacow. but i'd bake him cookies and i'd eat a few myself so as to keep me soft in all the right places. i'd study the dictionary and memorize the correct spelling of every word so as not to upset his delicate constitution. i might even pick up a copy of "the elements of style" or at least read the online version.
if he got mad at me for being on the computer so much and said "go outside", well at first i might think of the hypocrites that sometimes post that on cl...but then i would smile at him and say "wouldn't you rather stay inside and get some head?"
i really want a boyfriend.
this is in or around here. right here.