You were unhappy and I would like to express my deepest regrets for the following:

1. It was quite busy. You had to wait for a half hour, rendering your party of five crankyhungry.

2. It escaped your attention that it was busy (thus the half hour wait) and that maybe your food would take a bit of time to prepare.

3. I was unable to magically erase all the orders for Those That Came Before You.

4. I was also fresh out of magic that night and unable to zap the chefs with a spell to sprout extra heads and arms that would have enabled them to churn out your order at a faster rate. Thus, your food was prepared by Mere Humans with Human Limitations. Whoopsie!

5. It didn't occur to you to order an appetizer or fill me in on your level of hungrycrankiness, enabling me to inform you of the anticipated wait for the *gargantuan* pile of raw fish you had ordered. Yes, indeed it is raw, which may have lead you to believe that it does not take time to prepare. But now you know. It does.

6. In sympathy (I am, myself, a gal who gets quite cranky when hungry as my friends and loved ones will attest) I brought you some small things to tide you over. The owner sent over some appetizers. I am sorry that for you, being self-righteous was, at that point, more important than having food in your stomach and you turned your nose up at it. I am sorry that it didn't occur to you to take a deep breath and recognize that maybe you were taking your hungrycrankiness out on me.

7. In your perception, you were waiting for food for Over An Hour, which you amended (after my expression I'm sure registered disbelief) to include the time you spent waiting since you had not made a reservation.

8. I am sorry that there was a party who had made a reservation for 11 people that night, and that part of the delay was due to the fact that we were holding several tables to accomodate them. I am sorry that only 6 of them showed up (sans communication of the change) in the end. If they had called, you would not have had to wait nearly as long. In their defense, they were very sweet (albeit clueless).

9. In addition to being out of magic that night, due to the holidays and family drama, I was also out of Ass Kiss. I assure you, recognizing that my wages are derived from your pleasure as well as your generosity/ability to do math/sympathy/etc, and also being a Frequenter of Restaurants and an Appreciater of Service, I usually would have overwhelmed you with profuse apologies. But, having attempted to calm the hungry beasts of your bellies and being met with such attitude, I simply could not do it.

10. I am sorry that you seemed to hold me responsible for what happens with your food in the kitchen. As you could plainly see, I was out on the floor serving, not preparing your food. I could not very well have asked the chefs to make your food in lieu of the food of Those That Came Before You. I put in your food order within 3 minutes of receiving it. I am sorry that my coworker mistakenly told me, as I was running around frantically, that Table 8 needed my attention immediately (y'all were Table 7) and that I ran over to Table 8 (who wasn't even ready) and took their order first. And then I took your order and that one woman in the corner wasn't quite ready either.

11. I am sorry that despite my efforts to rectify the situation, from free food to discounts to sending over the owner when I recognized that I did not have the power and authority to make you happy, you saw fit to leave me a less than 10% tip. I am sorry that in the United States, servers' salaries are outrageously low because our culture asks patrons such as yourselves to judge how well we do our jobs and to tip based upon your bill. Being a professional server, I give the same service to a $20 table as I do to a $100 table. I know that I'm good at what I do based upon customer compliments, the regulars that request me, that I remember what people like and always work to anticipate what they may need (especially when I'm given a head's up--Help Me Help You and all). I'm sorry that you could not recognize my efforts and chose to make me the recipient of your displeasure, even though what you were unhappy about was, essentially, beyond me.

But I cannot end this post on this note. I want to extend a hearty THANK YOU to the fabulous regulars and first-timers and in-towners. Thank you to folks who recognize the challenges of serving. Thank you for understanding that I am not responsible for the workings of the kitchen, that I am merely a messenger. Thank you for accepting apologies for fuck ups with grace and generosity. Thank you for calling with changes to your reservations. Thank you for letting me know ahead of time that you have to be out by 8:30 to catch Lord of the Rings. Thank you for asking if the food will take a long time because you are really really really hungry and is there any way you could get a little something ASAP to calm your belly beasties? Thank you for smiling and saying that you understand when things are crazy. Thank you for recognizing that I'm a human being and for reciprocating the respect.

HAPPY 2004!