We exchanged glances - w4m(ouse)
I have to admit, before our meeting last week I had been secretly plotting your demise for months. It was nothing personal, I was just pissed about your actions towards me which I perceived to be harassment. The charges against you included:
1. Nibbling on my freshly baked birthday cake back in October which I ended up having to throw away.
2. The constant turds you were leaving everywhere, many of which got squished into the carpet creating a chocolate chip like consistency throughout.
3. Sort of ironically (see above), nibbling on my homemade chocolate chip cookies which I ended up having to throw away.
4. Chewing a huge hole in my favorite pajamas (which meant you were in the laundry basket at least once)
5. Leaving a turd on my bed (hopefully when I wasn't sleeping in it)
This is just the short list of my grievances against you so I think you can understand why I began to want you dead. I really thought I was going to get you too with that spring trap laced with peanut butter but when you managed to lick the trap clean of pb without setting it off, it only served to remind me how clever you can really be. Honestly, the groundwork for respect was laid that night.
So last week when I blew off the gym after work and came home early, I was so surprised to see you. When you walked into the room and just stood there staring at me, it gave me fond memories of living in Allston with my cat. Therefore, I was wondering--are you interested in being my pet? I know my lease indicates it is not allowed, but the building mgmt. hasn't noticed you so far. You are welcome to stay although I have to ask you for a bit of rent. You take up roughly 1 or 2 square feet of my place at any given time so according to my rent, you owe me 6-12 dollars per month. I'm even willing to tolerate some of your habits in light of your aforementioned cartoonish likeability. What do you say? Would you like to be my pet?