Originally Posted: 2006-08-23 7:24pm
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favorite this post To the guy(s) who broke into my apartment last week:

First off, my roommate and I would like to thank you for violating the privacy of our home. Weíve always felt that the lock on our door was more of a formality than a necessity anyway. Did you feel welcome? Sorry we werenít there to offer you a glass of water and a place to sit and chat. Oh, and we apologize for the clutter. Congratulations on your method of entrance. Your crowbar skills were quite effective, and definitely left an artistic mark. The door frame has been reinforced now, but weíll have the mangled wood on the inside of the door to remind us of your thoughtful visitóit really gives the door and our apartment in general, the character it previously lacked. Thanks.

Weíd also like to extend our apologies for unintentionally wasting your time. Had you called ahead, we could have let you know that we are a waitress and an impoverished grad student, respectively, and therefore lack the funds to purchase the expensive, portable little goodies you were clearly after. We really are sorry that we couldnít send you off with more souvenirs of your visit.

I am a little curious about one thing: my bath towel. Upon combing our apartment to figure out if anything was missing, we didnít come up with much. However, when I went to take a shower that night, I discovered that my bath towel is missing. Now, Iím sure you could have used it to smuggle something I havenít missed yet, or to cover your arm while breaking a window to get out via the fire escape, but Iíd like to believe that you took it for yourself. I already feel pretty close to you, since youíve rifled through my panties, seen the special friend I keep hidden in the same drawer, and combed through the costume jewelry I inherited from my grandma. Iíd like to think that youíre sharing in my favorite bath towel. Itís cute, soft from countless post-shower dryings, and the perfect sizeónot bath sheet huge, but big enough to fully cover my sizeable ass and other attributes. Enjoy my well-loved, hand-me-down towel. Consider it my parting gift to you. I believe that those who presume they deserve to make a profit from purloining other peoplesí items are a neglected group of people. Keep the towel, and think of me whenever you use it. I hope you think of all the people who have played host to your domestic acquisition parties. We certainly appreciate your efforts at spicing up our everyday lives. Whatever would we do without you.


  • this is in or around Back Bay
  • no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

post id: 198011711

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