Witty statement or question that attracts your attention
Standard self-introduction including name, age, and gender. Indication that I'm new here and it's been fucking hard to meet people. Ongoing display of false confidence to avoid scaring off the cool people. Tone of playful indifference that masks the bitterness and misery that accompany loneliness. Broad-ranging list of personal interests in an admittedly pathetic attempt to have something in common with you. Haughty and cliched (but genuine) mention of disregard for all mainstream forms of media. Obligatory inclusion of specific cult-classic movie titles and possibly trendy underground rock group names. Deliberate smattering of expletives to offend and filter out uptight cunt-baskets. End of paragraph.
Enthusiastic-sounding closing statement that ties everything together and gets to the meat of the issue: that I want to "hang out" with you as soon as possible. Desire to not betray reality and sound too desperate. Realization that even a little cleverness, tact, correct grammar, and spelling ability should be enough to stand out on CL.
Postscript (after you thought it was over) conveying a seemingly innocent confusion as to why my picture doesn't display. Smug assurance that no one will realize I used a 1x1 white gif so that "pic" would show up by my post title. Annoyingly familiar statement indicating a trade of pictures is possible.