Breaking up with I-35
I hate you. I loathe you. We are done. How many times have your fancy entrace ways lured me into your traffic sludge? Each time I get on, I'm locked into this slow moving train to hell, not a single exit ramp in sight. Why must you host an accident everyday, every G.D. f-ing hour?! Have I not given you enough attention? The long sad procession of drivers is like the arteries of some fat ass on his 7th helping of mashed potatoes. So, I-35, I've run off with Mopac. Yeah, you heard me. She treats me better, and even on her slow days she makes you look like the hagard old whore that you are. Interstate my ass! I'm done with you.
p.s. Keep my hubcaps, they'll just remind me of your years of abuse.