Originally Posted: 2005-06-18 7:57am
for the guy who yelled to me as I rode my scooter
To the young man who yelled to me as I rode my scooter home:
First: Yes, they are nice panties. I know that. I knew that when I bought them. I knew that when I put them on that morning. Fortunately, I'm a woman and I have options to purchase either functional cotton panties or ones more racy or feminine, like the ones you caught a glimpse of and felt the need to compliment. If you had asked, I would have shown you more than the tiny band peeking above my skirt where my shirt was blowing out. You could have seen just how nice they really are. I've seen your options for men's underwear and I'm sorry you can't purchase something functional, yet dainty. I'm sorry you have briefs, boxers, and that weird boxer-brief combo. I'm sorry that someone thinks it's okay to put assorted breakfast meats on boxer fabrics. And although I doubt you were thinking of the lack of options you have in undergarment choices when you yelled at me out of your car window, I'm going to think the best of the situation and just say thank you.
Second: My panties were brought to you emissions free. Yes, I'm scooting around Austin on a zero-emissions vehicle. I take low-traffic roads because of my fear of those wacked-out bitches on cell phones who can't seem to find the brakes or look out of their rear, front, or side windows as they turn corners. I've almost been hit by one while: walking, riding a bike, riding my scooter, and driving (at least I know they're not prejudice), so I take back roads thinking they'll avoid anything that might be "ghetto" off of the main arteries in town. Since your car wasn't that nice (really, it wasn't), and you were driving in a hipster part of town, I'm guessing your political bent might be more central or left. So why would you yell something uncool out of your window? When I walked everywhere my main response to those out-of-the-window comments was always the same: Fuck-you-asshole-get-a-fucking-life. Since I couldn't open my mouth for fear of bugs, let me offer a comment retroactively: Get out of your gas-guzzling emissions-spewing car you pseudo-liberal and make a difference rather than pissing off those who actually try.
Third: I'm married. And I'm old enough to be your mother. Call her. She misses you.
(and yes, they really are nice panties. thanks.)