An Open Letter to Danica Patrick
I've given this some serious thought, and I think it's about time you do too. As you obviously already know, you are very cute. Really cute, like a little animal you just want to squeeze until its head pops.
Let's face it, you need to dump that almost-40 fiance of yours and start getting it on with a beautiful lesbian. I am not cute like you as aforementioned, but I have really nice boobs, good skin, and a sexy body. On the other hand, if it would make it more comfortable for you if I looked manly, I could try to frown a lot, grope my crotch, and wear less makeup. I also have a strap-on. Maybe I will even bind my 34DD breasts for you, Danica - you mean that much to me. I would also like to point out that I am bigger than you, and since you're only 100 pounds I can still carry you through the door on our wedding night.
Now, onto the important part. I know you're worried about sleeping with a woman. And of course what can compare to the expertise and knowledge of a 39-year-old man? Well, kitten, let me tell you - I've been dating a woman near your fiance's age, and trust me, I KNOW the tricks. I've studied well, and you won't be disappointed in my ability to work my way up those tight little legs of yours. Plus I am 22 - and unlike your fiance will not be in need of viagra by the time you're hitting your sexual peak. Did I mention that I have long fingers?
Please consider letting me squeeze you. I promise I won't pop your head.
Your Lesbian Admirer