Dear Mr. Maintenance
Why do you feel the need to sit at my desk? I normally wouldn’t mind you coming up front and saying hello while I am surfing the net and answering stupid question for very confused buyers. But when I’m out on lunch why are you sitting at my desk reading my IM’s and going through my drawers?
I even looked in the top drawer where my unused, still packaged nametag lives. And guess what? The package holding my nametag somehow removed its staple and opened itself up today. Now don’t get me wrong I have a huge imagination, and I swear sometimes my socks walk off from the dryer. But I really don’t think this nametag got out on its own. So I’m going to assume you opened it.
As flattered as I am you want to wear it around be just like me. I’m afraid wearing the nametag with a female name won’t remove that three-day-old scrub nor that stained armpit white shirt look. I admire the “Sandra Dee look at me” attitude you have. But I just don’t think you need to do all this for me.
I walked in today with you at my desk fumbling through a FedEx order while reading IM’s to my boyfriend. Now I know you are concerned with my well being cause you know these long-distance relationship can be hard. And I believe you when you tell me I can “sleep over” at your place any time I feel lonely. Gosh thanks so much for the offer. Being a new gal in town I just can’t tell you how much I appreciate that, along with you offers for “sexual encounters” if I feel the need. I’m sure my boyfriend would express the same gratitude.
But really my boyfriend and I hadn’t talked much today so sorry to disappoint you in your reading. There was nothing more than a few I miss yous and I love yous.
Now really you are a nice guy. But do you think you could avoid sitting at my desk wearing my nametag, reading my IM’s and going through my drawers? I once again can’t thank you enough for this wonderful butterfly feeling you give me in my stomach, well maybe that’s that intuitive female gut “run-away” thing, but anyhow….
I hope that cat-scan appointment you have today goes well. And maybe when you get back and have some meds that relax you a bit we can talk about this a bit more. I bet I can even get the head office to order you your own nametag. As for reading the IM’s I’m sure if you hitting up those AOL people directory files you’ll find yourself some nice girl to chat with on your own. And next time you need to FedEx something please don’t call in under my name, the voice change really confuses the customer service people. Today they had to call back twice to make sure everything was right.
Sincerely your “favorite receptionist”