For Chrissakes, Can I Eat a F#%*ing Taco in Peace?
Case 1 - Taco Bell, Ponce de Leon. So I'm on my way from one place to another - I decide to go through the drive thru - but I don't feel like trying to eat the tacos while driving, so I pull into the parking lot to sit and eat 'em. Next thing I know, some mangey looking fucker starts beating on my window - I figured he was asking for some money, and through the window it sounds like he's saying something like "Do you have a heart?." So I'm like, 'no - go away.' He doesn't leave, so I roll down the window, so I can hear him, and he says "Do you want some hard." 'What?, Hard? What do you mean?'. And he explains he means "Do you want some 'crack'?" I told him I was good and stocked up on the crack and didn't need anymore - thankfully, he left and did not persist.
Case 2 - Smyrna/Vinings area taco bell. Again going through the drive-thru. This time as I'm ready to give them my money, the cashier/manager is climbing out of the drive-thru window. I'm looking at him with surprise, not knowing any reason why an employee would be climbing out of the window. He says "sorry, but the building's on fire - here's your food, don't worry about the money" I look in and sure enough, all i can see in the kitchen is smoke. I guess I can't complain too much, cause I got some free food.
Case 3 - Savoy Drive Taco Bell, Dunwoody. I'm eating in the Dining Room, and this disgusting fatbody of a man is basically getting jerked off underneath the table by his girlfriend directly in my plain view. I immediately throw away all lunch items contain Sour Cream.
Case 4 - El Patino, Buford Highway. Some decripit, saggy mess of a woman is sitting on the patio a couple tables away. She looked like death and was basically coughing up hair balls for a solid five minutes. Between her ghastly appearance, the chronic bronchitus, and the low-quality, grizzled steak in my fajitas, I completely loose my appetite and nearly spew my dinner out.
Case 5 - Yesterday. Taco Bell, Lawrenceville. First, I pull in to a parking space and notice that smoke is coming out of my hood - engine is overheated - fantastic. Then I'm standing in line behind a couple - the girl is a blimp, and her skinny, peach-fuzzed doofus boyfriend is wearing some shirt that says "Sex is like Surfing, Enjoy the Ride" or something like that. Dude, if your girl weighs 2-bills, please don't wear shirts that make me have to imagine you riding her like a whale-shark. Then, as I'm eating, a group of young guys at the table next to me launch into a full-on, two-minute pre-meal blessing. Hey - guys! You are eating Taco Bell, not the Last Supper!
I don't know if this is some sort of sign or if this is a nation-wide trend at Mexican establishments, but I'm going to start wearing a sign that says "Don't Fuck with My Taco Experience!" so I can be one with my 'Inner-Beaner'
Thank you for your time, and if you've had similar experiences, please do share - or write to your Congressman