Missed Connection with My Life
So, I let life get in the way…finances, creeping age, health issues, and breaking hearts. I keep myself boxed in and pretend to myself and others that my life, as it is, is what I want. It’s not. My husband does not know, my family does not know. We look happy, we act happy. I have no good way out without hurting him when he needs me most and loves me. I have no good way out financially. I am where I am because I made the wrong choices and wrong decisions.
Here I sit with a missed connection to my life, the life full of love and not half & half. I missed the connection with romance, feeling butterflies when I see his face or he sees mine, a kiss on the back of my neck when he gets home at night, and the words, “hello, gorgeous.” I missed the connection with loving the way I can and want to love and I did it all to myself. I missed connecting with my life, so I live the life I have. I wish it could be different, but it can’t. I don’t feel sorry for myself, but that does not keep me from wanting to feel the connection. Therein, my fellow Craigslisters, lies the rub---no way into my missed life, no way out of my real life, at least not without hurting someone or being dishonorable. I won’t or can’t do either. Anyway, this was my call out to my missed connection with my life. This is the only way I can express it.