Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2009, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2009-07-05T14:52:59-04:00 2 daily Summer Camp FAQs http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/1254520589.html Dear Camp Parents, With week one of our summer day camp behind us, I’d like to share a few tips, insights, and rebuttals to your questions. You could even consider this Camp FAQs! 1. Yes, your child NEEDS a lunch EVERY day! We covered this while on the phone when you made the initial inquiry, it was in the brochure, and at the parent orientation. Hell I even used a picture of a mom handing her child a bagged lunch for you “I’m not so big on reading people.” Short of a Power Point presentation with animated cartoons that you probably wouldn’t download in the first place, I can’t get the point further through to you. Myself, the coolers in the gym would’ve been a tip-off! Don’t fret though, our staff gave up their lunch to feed your child. Oh…and you’re welcome! 2. Yes—I need your child’s physical and shot record. While you aren’t all that seemingly worried about their welfare, I for one don’t want the doctors in triage “guessing.” I know…I’m an asshole. 3. No—Your child’s cell phone can’t come to camp. We’ll handle all “emergencies” that might arise. If said emergency affects your child, they’ll probably be unconscious and unable to report said emergency to…whoever. They’ll be fine as long as I have that pesky health form. 4. No—Your child’s “DS,” handheld “PS3”, or whatever fucking device--can’t come to camp. Your kid forgets his underwear in the locker room! What makes you think they can keep track of a $200 piece of electronics!?! 5. Yes…I realize he goes EVERYWHERE with it, but you’re paying me a TON of money to provide activities for your kid. He won’t die without his video game! In fact that “exercised induced asthma” might even lessen some as tubby plays some tag. Had I know you were going to be an insistent twat about this, I would’ve raised my rates $20 a session, stuck your kid in a room, and called myself a “technology camp.” 6. No—I don’t know where your child’s Super Mario cart game went! I told you on the phone, in the brochure, and at the orientation to leave that shit home. Most games these days are the size of a friggin’ postage stamp—be glad your kid made it back in one piece and call it a day. 7. Yes—it is a big deal! Your ex-boyfriend is here to pick up your child, y’know…the one you supplied custody papers on saying he was to only have SUPERVISED visitation? I know you “gots thingz ta do” and forget to me, but I need a verbal “okie-dokie” to release him, while you violate your own court order for your convenience. 8. Yes—Your child needs a bathing suit EVERY day. We talked about this on the phone, there was a picture of a bathing suit in the brochure, and we talked about it at the parent orientation. We swim. It’s summer camp…not ski camp. No—a hot air hand dryer is NOT a substitution for a towel. 9. Absolutely—We summer camp staff morons DO expect you to wake up with your child. We expect for you to supervise them, pack their lunch, and make sure they have a bathing suit. We realize that cuts into your sleeping schedule, consider you’re NOT working, and the County somehow is only “forcing” you to pay $1.00 a week for your THREE KIDS, but bite the bullet and step up. 10. Yes—It is summer vacation, but that should not mean a “med-vacation.” There’s a reason your child’s doctor prescribed that little mood-altering pill. Without it, your child is a terrorist! He’s a blithering emotional violent assaultive hyper-active train wreck. Without his little pill, your special lil’ guy will be utterly without success, will make no friends, and we’ll wind up throwing him out of camp as you validate your “meds-are-bad” philosophy. In closing, I’d like to address the “horrified” and “terribly concerned” parents of the “little angels” who actually had to deal with PEOPLE their own age for the week. I realize you want to protect your “little angel,” hell I got a camp of 90 “little angels.” I’m still trying to figure them out. Yes, your child will have conflicts. They’ll be upset if they are tagged, called “out,” tussle for a kick ball, get line jumped—all NORMAL childhood things that have been happening to kids since goddamn dawn of man! In years past it was far easier to identify and remedy these conflicts. Now since NO ONE seems to parent anymore, the problems are magnified a hundred fold. I know that your child cried all not long because he/she was “line jumped.” I would submit to you that you have deeper issues to worry about than your child being “jostled,” when not being “line leader” is kicking their ass. Your child was DUNKED by another child. He wasn’t “drowned.” Kids do this. They fuck around in water. It’s called “play.” Believe or not, your child doesn’t merit a blip on the social radar and most likely one of the other kids wanted to include him. While your child may have been startled, there is no conspiracy to drown your kid. Rest assured, the staff and I are watching the other “monsters” to ensure your child isn’t “victimized,” even as he, himself, is being a little bastard towards them. I realize that is not sufficient for some of you and I am considering changing the enrollment process to an application process for next year. A fee increase, as well as a complex bureaucratic application form, would also be likely. In such a way, I could weed out the non-readers who can’t be bothered to know what to/what not to bring camp. I’d also be able to weed out those “I gotz thingz ta do…” parents who wouldn’t have time to fill out the enrollment form. Obviously anyone left who could NOW pay my parent fee (shit I might get a raise!), would certainly ensure their kids have the basics: lunch and a bathing suit. The rest of you non-reading, can’t-submit-a-physical, I’m-taking-him-off-meds, “mortified,” over-reacting, “concerned,” Just-didn’t-have-time-to-fight-with-him/her-this-morning shitheads can send your kid to grandma’s house for the summer! …Oh that’s right…that BITCH can’t stand your kid for 10 hours a day either!!! Coincidence? **This week’s tip**: Remember parents…loving your child isn’t enough. You have to parent them too! Take them out of the epi-center of your universe and help them deal with the expected little childhood “traumas” and I guarantee you they’ll become a healthy adult and won’t shoot up a school at 15! Sincerely yours, Your Camp Director <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-07-05T14:52:59-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/1254520589.html Summer Camp FAQs text You cleaned my toilet while I was out...? - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/941185243.html I'm assuming you are male, because I think you moved my couch too and I don't know any girl buff enough to move that thing. I came home yesterday, later in the day, and my toilet was full of bubbley foam. I flushed it to reveal a SPOTLESS bowl. I haven't cleaned my toilet in a couple of weeks as I have relatively clean bowel movements so you can imagine my confusion. I asked around and none of my friends are responsible. Most of them were even at work. So... thanks? I needed to move the couch anyway. And I'm fairly certain you didn't steal anything. I will continue to leave my door unlocked so long as you continue to do my housework. <ul> <li> Location: Scotia <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-12-01T19:36:42-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/941185243.html You cleaned my toilet while I was out...? - w4m text Family Guy couch http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/701271912.html We have this brownish sleeper couch that sort of looks like the couch from Family Guy. It's been rained on like once or four times, and a couple bunny rabbits have tried to nibble on it, but then were like Whoa this isn't tender chutes this is a Couch, hop hoppity, hoppy-hop. Come drag it somewhere out of sight. <img src="701271912.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: 12 Domenica Drive 12188 <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-30T14:48:50-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/701271912.html Family Guy couch text CATBUS http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/621862265.html I HAVE A 1995 MO' VAN THAT GOT TRANSFORMED INTO THIS CATBUS. I BROUGHT IT TO A SHOPS AND I WAS LIKE HEY, CAN YOU TURN THIS INTO A CATBUS? SO THEY DID. THEN THAT DAY I DROVE IT HOME. THE CAT BUS ONLY HAS 50K, WHICH ARE ALL HIGHWAY MILES AS I DROVE IT TO WORK 2 DAYS A WEEK AND THAT WAS IT. IT'S IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE AND ALL THE FUR IS STILL ALL THERE. THE STEERING WHEEL HAS A CAT ON IT. IM ONLY ASKING 2900 FOR THE CATBUS BECAUSE ITS REALLY FURRY AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET SICK ON IT. <img src=621862265.jpg> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> This item has been posted by-owner. <li> Location: ALBANY <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-03-28T13:15:47-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/621862265.html CATBUS text guy that flashed me on i-90 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/452732709.html Dear Man who flashed me on I-90. I was in the passenger side of my friends car, on a quiet saturday driving home from crossgates mall. I am usually driving, so i was taking this time as a passenger to take in the beauty that is I-90. As i am innocently gazing out my window, i notice a large blue chevy i belive pick up truck 2 lanes over. Normally i would of not looked twice but something caught my eye. You sir were waving wildly at me, thinking i might know you, i took my sunglasses off to get a better look at you. Some movement again caught my eye, you were no longer waving at me, but fiddaling with your pants. This should of been a sign to turn away, but i was confused. Thats when it happend. You some how managed to keep one foot on the gas, along with your right hand on the steering wheel. and in a matter of seconds were able to stand up with your whole front body facing me (which im still baffled how you managed to do this ans drive) you then started pelvic thrusting your 'cash and prizes' in my direction, while laughing hysterically, like i just opend a can of peanuts, but a snake made out of springs popped out. This action looked much like any movie where you see a male stripper pelvic thrusting, but unlike its done in the movies usually with the saftey of boxer shorts, or tight black pants like the Chippendales wear. Not you sir, no no. You had the pants, and the boxers pulled down, and your t shirt pulled up a little. I even saw belly button. (see picture examples) This act lasted around 5, or 6 seconds, then you cowardly took the next exit to escape my face full of horror. Im sure scareing me for life is hilarious. and im not exactly sure what the thrill was of flashing me on I-90. Im sure it wasnt to impress a friend, because you were alone. And you were not an old guy, im sure you could of had a girlfriend, or a wife, so flashing a random 21 year old girl on the highway is a little baffaling to me. But this letter flasher guy, is not to express my anger twords you. Its to let you know, my friend that was driving is upset she missed this horrifying/hilarious act, and would like you to drive by us again, but this time on the driver side. Thanks buddy. (i probably spelled 10000 things wrong in here, im at work, im typing fast, i dont give a shit) (ALSO my drawing of flasher guys 'cash and prizes' are of fruit, because again, im at work, and i cant draw penises on paint in the fear of beign fired)  <img src=452732709.1.jpg> <img src=452732709.2.jpg>  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: i-90 <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-10-18T13:57:45-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/452732709.html guy that flashed me on i-90 text